I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
my nose is crying tears of wow.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
