So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
