Me. At least after what I've been through.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
