Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Randomize
