I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
As shirtless as possible
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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