Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Randomize
