my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Randomize
