just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
