I wish I could teleport
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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