just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize