roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
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even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
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we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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