I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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