So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
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