Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
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