My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
