i jhust puked up my retainher.
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
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About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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