In the future we'll all be gay
I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
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