coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
the night ended with taco bell and tears
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
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