Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
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