she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
