Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize
