I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Randomize
