feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
