Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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