There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
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Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
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She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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