Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
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