i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
