I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
