I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
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For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
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random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
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