Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
