Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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