I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Randomize
