Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Randomize
