Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
