She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Randomize
