and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
