Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Randomize
