He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
