My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
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