I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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