I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Randomize
