oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Randomize
