how hairy? two words: wookie tits
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
