I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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