I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
my liver is dry heaving
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
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