I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Randomize
