is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
All I want is dick and wine.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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