yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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