there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
