I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
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