my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize