he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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