I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
