never play flip cup with pint glasses
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
