that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
