Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
