But do you think a lot of ppl use facebook as a masturbation supplement to porn?
Let me make clear that I am not a facebook masturbator
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Randomize
