So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
