whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
MIDGETS
????
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Randomize
