i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
