Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
I love having hate sex.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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