My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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