so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
