Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
