i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Randomize
