i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
