So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
