I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I just want nice things and good sex
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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