I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
