he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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