Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
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